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Jelsa Named European Tourist Board 2015: Congratulations!

By paul 17 May 2015

I am big enough to publicly admit when I have got something wrong. If I have got something wrong.

When I wrongly criticise an institution and it turns out that they are doing an amazing job, it would be proper of me to apologise publicly.

And if it ever happens that the Jelsa Tourist Board does an amazing job, I will be the first to apologise for pointing out how useless they are under the new regime.

No disrespect to the staff at the tourist board, who do a great job working in a zoo. 

We have covered the environmentally friendly approach of Telepathy Tourism already. Give no information, print no leaflets, tell nobody about any events in Jelsa, and you will reduce the pressure of deforestation in the Amazon, put a temporary halt on global warming, and preserve The Mediterrean as it Once Was.

Before tourism. 

I don't mean to complain, but as a tax-payer in Jelsa, I think I have the right to at least utter my favourite Croatian phrase in public - ajme meni.

We have covered the fact that the Jelsa Tourist Board events page - available in 7 languages - has been totally blank for at least nine months now. Don't #feeljelsa enough? Then you have no chance of tuning into the telepathy tourism that is the new eco-friendly way to go.

This post is not about telepathy tourism or the non-events in Jelsa at a time when most tourists have already booked their holidays. The blank offer of the Jelsa Tourist Board looks about as attractive as a fortnight in a gulag in Pyongyang.

This post is about a great new business in the Jelsa district who came to Jelsa today to meet Total Hvar for promotion, and also to meet the Jelsa Tourist Board and introduce themselves and leave some information. Here is what they found: 

For those of you who are non-Croatian speakers, this is the opening time information on the Jelsa Tourist Board office for Friday May 15 and Saturday May 16. Quite apart from the fact that this well-staffed office only works for the public 5 hours a day (this is the tourist season after all), today is Sunday May 17 and tourists are more interested in knowing when the office is open today, tomorrow and the rest of the week.  

Tourist office closed and only a blank screen for event information? Jelsa is obviously not the place to be, but at least the tourist board has a useful info board with bus and ferry times.


Taking a ferry in the winter before the end of 2014? This is the information for you... 

Catching a bus to try and #feellifesomewherenormal? You are five and a half months too late. 

Of course, we all know how hard the Telepathy Director is working, and that he does not have time to deal with all the millions of enquiries he has to deal with. The issue of the out of date bus timetable was raised over 5 months ago in the post above. The tourists missed their bus due to wrong information, after which the Jelsa Tourist Board tried to sell a private transfer for 200 kuna. Nice work if you can get it.

And when we dared to point out that this was a terrible thing, our beloved Telepathy Director took pride in the fact that he was able to give the wrong information in just 17 minutes, and to this day has not addressed the complaint of the visitor above.

I never thought I would say it, but is it time to change the official Jelsa hashtag from #feeljelsa to #bringbackbiskup?

I for one have had enough of paying taxes for someone who is a total disaster, with less than nothing to show after nine months in the job.

Niko Skrivanelli, will you do the decent thing and resign with immediate effect, and stop taking the hard-earned money of the residents of Jelsa, who expect - and deserve - much better?